(A reworked post from October 2012)
IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN…
…I probably wouldn’t have gone to Chippendale’s years ago with a group of my friends. I knew they had male strippers—that’s not what bothered me. It’s just that I felt so old. One of the acts was the Unknown Stripper. He danced with a paper bag over his head but I would have known him anywhere. I used to babysit him when he was little.
Upper row, third from left, is NOT me :(
…how good (not!) the service was at H. Salt Fish & Chips, I don’t think I would have gone there with my kids. I had just finished a diet & was craving fried food. I love fish & chips, so off we went. The kids got theirs & were happily chomping down while I waited for my order. They had apparently thought I’d ordered one piece of hot fish & one cold. I hadn’t. I took my plate back to the counter & asked for another piece of hot fish. I was told they couldn’t take back the cold fish because I had already tasted it. I asked them how I was supposed to know it was cold if I didn’t taste it. This went back & forth until I asked to see the manager. They said was on his way in, so I waited 20 minutes, getting more pissed off every second. He heard my story & told the cashier to give me my money back. As I was walking out the door the cashier asked, in a very “smartassy” voice, if I was satisfied now. I told her no, that I hadn’t gotten the tax. She threw it at me & said, “Don’t come back!” (I wrote a letter of complaint to KFC, which was their parent company. They sent me an apology & coupons for free fried chicken.)
…there’s no way I would have told my young granddaughters to look at the beautiful full moon while riding in my daughter’s car. My daughter (the perfectionist) said, “It’s not a full moon. It’s only 27/28ths.” I told her it was full enough for me!
…I’m sure I wouldn’t have made swiss steak when I did for my husband & his friends. He was in the Army at the time & the day before I had a wisdom tooth removed on the post. My mouth didn’t hurt at all & I was able to chew my food without pain. The problem was that I could only open my mouth far enough to insert very thin food. Swiss steak has to be a minimum thickness to cook properly, & it wasn’t thin enough to put into my mouth. They told me it was delicious.
…I would have brought a camera to Lawry’s when Bud took the kids & me there to celebrate my birthday. The kids had ordered me a cake, shaped like this, of course, & had “Happy Birthday” written on the top.
This was before cameras in cellphones—actually before cellphones, themselves. An Asian gentleman who was sitting at the next table--with a camera hanging around his neck--jumped up & said, (& I quote PRECISELY) “Maybe I help? I am Japanese tourist!” He took a picture, got my name & address & promised to send it to me. Unfortunately, I never got it.
If I had only known that I would live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself----fishducky