Never sit in the back row of a jet airplane, because
at a speed of 1,000 km (620 miles) per hour, the length of the plane becomes
one atom shorter than its original length!!
A man & a woman are seated next to each other on a flight. They start eyeing each other & both realize they want to do the same thing. He slips a condom out of his pocket & she looks delighted.
Rear toilet? He suggests her to go first & he
would meet her there in five minutes, & she agrees & goes off. He waits
five minutes, then goes back & slips in there with her.
Okay, get that condom on, she says.
Soon, they are both sighing with pleasure. But a
sharp-eyed stewardess has noticed them &
realized what they are up to. So she humiliates them by making an
announcement over the PA system...."To the lady & gentleman in the rear
toilet, we know what you are doing, & it is expressly forbidden by airline
regulations. Now please put those
cigarettes out & take the condom off the smoke detector."
And what were you thinking? I worry about you sometimes!
(Thanks, Susan at I Think, Therefore I Yam)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While taxiing at London
Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a
wrong turn & came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller
lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are
you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on
Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference
between 'C' & 'D', but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the
embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've
screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right
there & don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi
instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell
you, when I tell you, & how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes ma'am," the
humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency
fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to
chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.
Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot
broke the silence & keyed his microphone, asking:"Wasn't I married to
you once?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the
early 1980's we flew our entire family to Hawaii for a vacation. We were
living in different parts of the country, so we were on several flights.
There were a dozen or so family members flying with me & Bud.
We boarded our plane & took our seats. The flight was full
& the lady sitting next to me had stuffed luggage & boxes under the
seat in front of her & also under the seat in front of me. I had no
room even to put my purse there. The overhead bins were also full & I
asked her (nicely) to move her things. Fair's fair, right? She
became belligerent & asked me in a nasty voice, "Where do you want me
to put my stuff?" My husband's gentle touch on my wrist kept me from
giving her an honest & obvious answer. We called the flight attendant
& she emptied the space in front of me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To see Tim Conway flying on a no-frills airline,
click here.
I CANNOT run a post about flying without this:
A
plane had to make an emergency stop because a female passenger suddenly became
very ill. After examining her, the doctor took her husband aside & said,
"I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither, doc," said her husband, "but she's a great cook & really good with the kids."
"Me neither, doc," said her husband, "but she's a great cook & really good with the kids."
To see Tim Conway flying on a no-frills airline,
click here.
I CANNOT run a post about flying without this:
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not
for you----fishducky
