Thursday, March 19, 2015


My mother-in-law wrote a book for each of my kids when they were small. In Matt's she said, "My mother got me a haircut. She called it a crewcut. My Grandma called it a shame!!"

When I was a teenager hip hugger pants were in style.  One of my friends had a younger brother, about 4 or 5 years old.  Although he really wanted to, he couldn’t wear hip huggers because he had yet to develop hips.  We used to con him into picking up things we had dropped or bringing us things by telling him, “You’ll get hips!!”  He believed it for about a year or so.

When Nameless III was a few months old, her mom & dad brought her & her sister to my house for dinner.  I was cooking & my son-in-law came into the kitchen to talk to me.  He said, "Mom, I think Nameless III is really beautiful.  I think all babies are pretty, but Nameless III is gorgeous. What do you think?"  I said, "I agree with you, but I'm probably prejudiced.  After all, I am her grandmother!!"  He told me, "We're not the only ones who think so--my mother thinks so, too!!"

When our parents celebrated their 50th anniversaries, we gave each set of parents a new car.  We were seeing a psychiatrist at the time.  We told him about the cars & that both my father & my father-in-law said we were crazy.  We asked him if we were crazy.  He said, "Of course you're crazy!  Can I have a new car?"   

I've run this before, but you probably don't remember it:

If you subscribe to the theory, as I do, that the brain is like a computer, then you know that it has a finite number of memory bytes.  As we age, gravity pulls these memories down, filling first our feet, then our legs, our bellies & butts (which would also explain why many older people seem to have gained weight in these areas) & boobs (which is probably what causes sagging) & finally reach our brains, which eventually become full.  Since humans don’t have a DELETE key, there is simply no room for new memories.  This is why we people “of a certain age” can remember who sat next to us in the third grade but have no idea of what we ate for lunch yesterday.  We are NOT forgetful—WE ARE SIMPLY FULL!!

Have I run this for you before?

Here are the lyrics:

Midnight – I wake up and remember
That I left the door open with the groceries outside.
Where the hell did I put my keys? Oh, look here they are
Underneath the TV Guide.

Mem’ry, what became of the short term
I remember the old days, I was sharper back then
If I eat fish and do the crosswords every day
Will the brain cells grow again?

I could swear I put those tickets right here in my wallet,
Now I’m late; I thought the show starts at eight;
I wrote that in my whatchamacallit.

Damn! What did I walk in this room for?
Maybe when I was younger, I took too many ’ludes.
Where’s that ginko biloba that I picked up today?
Oh, I left it at Whole Foods.

What the heck is that guy’s name?
He sings with me in choir.
Did I turn both of the burners off?
Or is my house on fire?

Shoot me, put me out of my misery
Or just leave me to wander Soldier Field Parking Lot.
If they ask, tell them I once had a memory too.
What was the question? I forgot.

 I count on this being true:

This is for my kids:

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks----fishducky