It's legends week, from my book "Fishducky's Fables".
Many
years ago, Mrs. Bettye Bunyan gave birth to a very large baby boy and named him
Paul. By the time he was three years old, he could wear his father’s
clothes. (Understandably, his father seldom spanked him.) By age
seven, Paul could no longer fit in the family’s Prius and they were forced to
buy a Hummer just to drive him to school. As he grew, even the largest
sizes at the “Big ‘n’ Fat” shops were not big enough. Mrs. Bunyan had to
buy old circus tents and alter them to fit her growing boy. Paul was to
become a very large man.
His
parents became poor trying to keep him fed. A whole steer lasted only a
couple of days, and a bushel of apples was just a healthy snack. He
decided to go out and make his own way in the world. He became a
lumberjack--and a very successful one, at that. After all, he could cut
down a tree with just one swing of his axe. Perhaps you’ve heard of his
company, “DeforestationRUs”.
One
evening after work, he went to a local bar to have nine or ten large
Cokes. Sitting next to him was the most beautiful creature he had ever
seen and she was just the right size for him--extra extra large! She was
crying and Paul wanted to ease her pain. He said, “Hey, babe, why so
blue?”
She
asked, “How do you know my name?” He brilliantly replied, “Huh?”
“My name is Babe,” she said, “And I’m blue because I’m as big
as an ox!” He told her he thought she was perfect and asked her if she
would marry him. She said, “Sure, why not? It’s not that I’m likely
to get any better offers!” The bartender, who moonlighted as a rabbi,
performed the ceremony right then, in hopes of getting an even bigger tip.
Several
years later, Paul was running out of trees and, with Babe’s urging, decided to
go back to school online. His family had always been plagued by misshapen
feet, so he studied podiatry to see if he could help them. One day, while
taking a study break, he saw an ad asking if you were interested in finding
about your ancestors and the derivation of your family name. He clicked
onto the site and typed in “Bunyan”.
Imagine
his surprise when the information came back that the original spelling of his
name was “Bunion” because that was exactly the problem that he, his father and
his grandfather had suffered with ever since he could remember. He
changed his name back to the original spelling, completed his studies and
became a licensed podiatrist. Babe was so proud the day
he hung out his shingle which read “Dr. Paul Bunion Specialist”!!
You can click here to hear a
song about lumberjacking.
The pen is mightier
than the sword, and considerably easier to write with----fishducky
