(A reworked post from October 2012)
My friend Bonnie & I were
playing golf behind a very slow group of men.
She exasperatedly asked me why it is that men will spend 10 minutes
looking for a lost ball, but they won’t take 5 seconds to find your “G spot”!!
Here’s another of hers: Bonnie & my very
prim & proper (appearing) mother-in-law, Audrey, were among our guests at a
formal luncheon. I don’t think they had
met before. They were sitting next to
each other. Something gooey, chocolaty
& decadently delicious was served for dessert. Bonnie tasted it & said without thinking,
as she was prone to do, “My God, this is better than sex!!” & was instantly
embarrassed because of who her luncheon partner was. She fell in love with Audrey when she smiled
& replied, “Yes, it is--& you don’t have to wash up afterwards, either!!”
Then there’s my friend, Bernice. Her husband had Alzheimer’s & had become
very argumentative. He had become nearly
impossible to live with. Shortly after
his death she & I were marketing together.
We were at the meat counter. She
told me she was buying a steak for dinner.
She said that she had had steak the previous night, but she felt like
having steak again & now that she only had herself to be concerned about,
she could have whatever she wanted.
Bernice looked at me & said, “There MUST be a downside to being a
widow, but so far I haven’t found what it is!!”
And I certainly can’t forget Barbara! She & I sometimes used to act like a
lesbian couple. WE ARE BOTH
STRAIGHT!! We were in WalMart & had
our purchases in the same cart. I unloaded
mine & then helped her unload hers.
She said, coyly, “You’re so strong & powerful—thank you!!” I lowered my voice & said, “You’re
welcome, Honey.” I paid for my things,
loaded both hers & mine into the cart & told her I was taking it
outside to have a cigarette while she paid for her stuff. Apparently she didn’t hear me because she
looked around & asked the cashier where her things were. The cashier said, “Your—uh, your, uh—your
FRIEND took them out!!”
Barbara & I were playing golf when I slipped
& broke my left wrist. After finally
convincing her that my wrist really hurt & that it wasn’t that I wanted to
quit because I was playing poorly, she drove me to the ER. She was in the room with me when the doctor
told me I’d have to remove my engagement & wedding ring because my hand
would swell up. I took them off &
handed them to Barb who tearfully said, “You’ve been promising me these rings
forever & you had to break your wrist for me to get them!” The look that passed between the doctor &
the nurse was priceless!!
Lots of cartoons today:
Money
can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy----Spike Milligan
(& fishducky)
