Thursday, April 30, 2015


A concerned reader wrote: “I hear that April is National Frog Month, so I would like to know, how do I tell whether I am a frog?  And if I am one, can I get some sort of government benefits during National Frog Month?” (signed) Ambivalent Amphibian. 

My response:
Dear Ambivalent Amphibian:
If you are a frog you get government benefits year round.  To get these benefits you must first, as you wisely suggest, establish if you are a frog. Frogs do differ widely from other animals. Here are six ways to tell if you are a frog:

1. Do friends often call you a toad?
2. Do you have four legs? 
3. Are your hind legs built for leaping?
4. When you were young, did you have a tail and gills and live in water?
5. Do you eat mostly or entirely meat? 
6. Can you breathe through your skin?

If you look like a toad and have four legs, the hind ones designed for leaping, and you were once a tadpole, and you eat mostly or only insects and/or other animals and can breathe through your skin I would say, yes, you are a frog. So that’s it.  If you do turn out to be a frog, have a happy National Frog Month!!
(Edited way down from a National Wildlife Federation post.)

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them!

What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig? A lifetime ban from the Muppet Show studio.

What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad? Star Warts. 

What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak? Morse toad!

What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog? A jumprope. 

What do stylish frogs wear? Jumpsuits. 

What do you call a frog spy? A croak and dagger agent.

What did the frog order at McDonald's? French flies and a diet Croak. 

What do you say to a hitchhiking frog? Hop in!

What do you call 144 frogs in a box? Gross!

Where is a frogs favorite place to eat? At ihop!

What kind of music do frogs listen to? Hip Hop

What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to? Hopera. 

Did you hear about the frog who needed glasses? He went to the hopthalmologist.

What did the sick frog need? a Hoperation. 

A devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a frog walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the frog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!!" "Not really," said the frog. "Your name is written inside the cover." 

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a frog sitting next to him. "Are you a frog?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The frog replied, "Well, I really liked the book!!" 


A crossword puzzle for you!!
(Answers the at end of the post.)

I try always to be modest, and I'm proud of it!!----fishducky