(Ed. note: The original translation of the Bible said that it was a whale that swallowed Jonah. We have since discovered that it was actually a salmon.)
God sent Jonah to Nineveh. Nineveh was an enemy of Jonah's country, Israel, so Jonah did not want to go to there.
Jonah tried to escape God. He tried to travel elsewhere by ship. There was a terrible storm. Jonah knew that God had caused the storm because He was angry at him so he asked the sailors to throw him into the sea to save themselves, which they were happy to do. But Jonah did not drown, because at the last minute God sent a humongous salmon to swallow him.
Jonah prayed to God. He thanked God, who had rescued him, but asked Him, “Couldn’t you find a more modern fish to swallow me? It's dark & damp, there’s no TV, no internet connection & I can’t even get a signal on my cell phone in here!!” God relented & caused the fish to return Jonah to dry land.
The fish followed Jonah onto the land & knowing it would die there, he tried to return it to the sea. While attempting to save it he accidentally dropped the salmon on some hot rocks & that’s how it was born a lox.
(Probably not to be continued.)
The shirt says, "If swallowed induce vomiting"
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy"----fishducky