"I always thought I'd do more with
my life. Become a writer, maybe. But it was hard to hold a pencil, I couldn't
find a typewriter with the turkey alphabet, it only has five letters counting
the double B, and it didn't seem right to use a quill.
"Like any young poult, I
entertained the idea of becoming a fireman 'til I found out I was flammable.
"As I matured I became active in
worthy causes like 'Free Tom' and the Turkey Anti-Defamation Society and The 2
Kilometer Turkey Trot to benefit the Dumb Friends League, in which turkeys
outnumber cows, the next largest species, by 100 to 1.
"I painted signs for the Turkey
Illiteracy Foundation. Which was sort of foolish 'cause nobody could read 'em
and I couldn't write. I just drew pictures of turkeys looking at pictures. And,
of course how could I forget the Anti-Subway Sandwich protest. We held a
sit-down strike in front of the local Subway ‘til most of us got run over.
"I went through the snood and
wattle piercing phase. We thought it looked cool. Then our apartment manager
put a band around our ankles. You talk about being decked out. We could rattle
when we strutted our stuff.
"But it all went by so quickly and
now I'm in the prime of life. I look at my contemporaries. We're all grown and
have big plans. I've been working on an International Turkey Olympics, maybe
hold it in Ankara. With events like Head Bobbing, Track Leaving, Egg Laying for
weight and distance.
"Lots of people don't give much
thought to a turkey's point of view. They just assume we spend all day gobbling
at each other, eating bugs and staring into space. In my case I spend most of
my time trying to think. Anything, just trying to think anything. When I put my
mind on it sometimes I get an idea, as you can tell. The hard part is trying to
remember it.
"Did I mention politics? I know
some may believe there are already too many turkeys in office; but I think I
might have a chance. If I can just establish residence in Florida.
"Oh well, people are talking about Thanksgiving. Everybody's goin'
home for the holidays. Turkeys are a big part of it, I'm told. I'm not sure
exactly what it is we do. But I hope we do it well and that our contribution is
appreciated."
Baxter Brown/2002
A lady was picking through
the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for
her family. She asked the stock
boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."
___________________The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Easy Instructions on how to cook a turkey:
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turk the bastey
Step 8: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer
Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 11: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 14: Turk the carvey
Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 17: Bless the dinner and pass out
You might be interested in reading this book.
It's 6 pages long
Turkeys would rather you had this for Thanksgiving:
Have a turkey for Thanksgiving:
Last year we ate Thanksgiving dinner at a real family restaurant--every table had an argument going----fishducky
