Thursday, November 26, 2015


"I always thought I'd do more with my life. Become a writer, maybe. But it was hard to hold a pencil, I couldn't find a typewriter with the turkey alphabet, it only has five letters counting the double B, and it didn't seem right to use a quill.
"Like any young poult, I entertained the idea of becoming a fireman 'til I found out I was flammable.
"As I matured I became active in worthy causes like 'Free Tom' and the Turkey Anti-Defamation Society and The 2 Kilometer Turkey Trot to benefit the Dumb Friends League, in which turkeys outnumber cows, the next largest species, by 100 to 1.
"I painted signs for the Turkey Illiteracy Foundation. Which was sort of foolish 'cause nobody could read 'em and I couldn't write. I just drew pictures of turkeys looking at pictures. And, of course how could I forget the Anti-Subway Sandwich protest. We held a sit-down strike in front of the local Subway ‘til most of us got run over.
"I went through the snood and wattle piercing phase. We thought it looked cool. Then our apartment manager put a band around our ankles. You talk about being decked out. We could rattle when we strutted our stuff.
"But it all went by so quickly and now I'm in the prime of life. I look at my contemporaries. We're all grown and have big plans. I've been working on an International Turkey Olympics, maybe hold it in Ankara. With events like Head Bobbing, Track Leaving, Egg Laying for weight and distance.
"Lots of people don't give much thought to a turkey's point of view. They just assume we spend all day gobbling at each other, eating bugs and staring into space. In my case I spend most of my time trying to think. Anything, just trying to think anything. When I put my mind on it sometimes I get an idea, as you can tell. The hard part is trying to remember it.
"Did I mention politics? I know some may believe there are already too many turkeys in office; but I think I might have a chance. If I can just establish residence in Florida.
"Oh well, people are talking about Thanksgiving. Everybody's goin' home for the holidays. Turkeys are a big part of it, I'm told. I'm not sure exactly what it is we do. But I hope we do it well and that our contribution is appreciated."
Baxter Brown/2002

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" 

The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Easy Instructions on how to cook a turkey:

Step 1: Go buy a turkey 
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven 
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey 
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens 
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink 
Step 7: Turk the bastey 
Step 8: Whiskey another bottle of get 
Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer 
Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey 
Step 11: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours 
Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey 
Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 14: Turk the carvey 
Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch 
Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey 
Step 17: Bless the dinner and pass out

You might be interested in reading this book.
It's 6 pages long

Turkeys would rather you had this for Thanksgiving:

Have a turkey for Thanksgiving:

Last year we ate Thanksgiving dinner at a real family restaurant--every table had an argument going----fishducky