Wednesday, January 13, 2016


(Reworked from a May, 2013 post with new cartoons, as always.)

I think it would be very boring to be a fish--especially in a goldfish bowl.  I mean, even if someone turns on the TV, there would only be a couple of shows you'd be interested in watching--"Name That Tuna" & "Whale of Fortune".  If someone happened to leave the newspaper nearby, open to the kelp wanted ads, how many jobs would they be qualified for?  It takes years of med school to become a sturgeon, so that's out.  I guess they could become a piano tuna or sell herring aids.  Below is a chart which should make it easy to recognize the mood of your fish:

Then there are the fish who live in the ocean.  I assume they can read because they've been in schools all their life, but how many times can you pick up "One Fish, Two Fish" or even "The Old Man and the Sea" & stay interested?  Do you think they ever get seasick?  Can they tell each other apart?  Do they ever want to wear something kinky or have a fin pierced, just for kicks?  Don't they ever get tired of eating nothing but seafood?  We know they get depressed--Charlie Tuna has had a death wish for years!

Did you know that mudskippers & certain types of catfish can live on land for extended periods of time?  Do you suppose they have to wait an hour after eating before they can go back in the water without getting cramps?

(Ed. note) I'm not recommending this for you--except in extreme cases--but some species of fish eat their young.  Picture this: A female guppy gives birth. Her husband is swimming nearby, watching & says, "Look, Martha, it's a girl," slurp, "Yum!"

Some stupid easy stupid riddles:

Where do you find a crab with no legs?
          ---Exactly where you left it.

What do you get if you cross a whale with a computer?
          ---A four ton know it all.

What should you do if you find a shark in your bed?
          ---Sleep somewhere else.

What do you give a seasick whale?
          ---Lots of room!

What about birds--do they ever get depressed?  I don't think I would if I could fly wherever I wanted & shit on anybody's head I felt like & get away with it every time!  Males have such beautiful plumage & yet they fight for the right to mate with a mousy looking female.  I guess it's the same with humans, except for the plumage.

Did you know I can do bird calls?  Here's one that works for any species.  Say you see a particular bird & want to have him come closer to you.  Do not move--that will startle him. Simply open your mouth & say, "Hey, bird!"


How's this for a great segue between
fish & fowl?
Birds have better songs than fish:

I bought my son (Fishman) one of these years ago:

Here's a really smart bird:

 The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap----fishducky