(Reworked from an August, 2012 post with all new cartoons.)
When Blake, our youngest son, got married he & his wife eloped to Las Vegas. I guess they didn’t want all
the fancy trappings that go with a formal wedding. Soon after their return we threw them a
wedding reception. I decided I had a
right to see them get married, so I performed a wedding ceremony. (No, I am not a minister.) It was short & went something like this:
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to reunite this man & this
woman in holy matrimony. Please join
hands. Diane, do you promise to love
& honor Blake & to let him have the TV remote control? ‘I do.’
Blake, do you promise to love & honor Diane & to put the toilet
seat down? ‘I do.’ I now re-pronounce you husband & wife. You may kiss the bride!” They were later married (again!) in a
Catholic church in Florida, where her family lives. We had not met her family before. At the reception at her sister’s home her
father told me that he & his wife loved our Blake the first moment they met
him. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m
going to say until it comes out of my mouth.
What came out was, “Really? What
do you think of him now?”
I
was Christmas shopping one year & found the perfect T-shirt for Blake. It had a picture of a TV remote control on
the front & said, “It’s a man thing!”
I told the saleswoman I’d like one in an extra-large. She
didn’t have any under the counter so she called across the busy store to a
stock boy, “I need a ‘man thing’ in an extra-large!” The woman behind me in line said, “Don’t we
all?” Cracked up the whole store!
He & his
brother once bought me a VERY
LARGE toy stuffed reindeer
for Christmas. They bought it in San Francisco & brought it down on
the plane with them. It was too large to be wrapped & they didn’t
want to send it through baggage. It wouldn’t fit in the overhead &
they didn’t want to have it in their laps, so they did the only reasonable (?)
thing. They bought him a ticket. “Rodney” was strapped into a seat
& a passenger asked the flight attendant if she would move him so he could
sit there. She laughed & told him, “I’m sorry, sir, but the reindeer
has a ticket.” They showed me their copy. On it was “Passenger’s
name: Reindeer, Rodney”.
My
family has always expressed emotion physically.
We practically kissed each other goodbye when we went to the
bathroom. I had to teach my husband to
become a “hugger” when we got married.
(He already knew how to kiss.) I
guess I created a monster. When Blake
was about 2, I was standing at the sink preparing dinner. (Yes, I used to make dinner!) He pointed to my leg & asked, “Dat
yours?” I told him yes. He pointed to my arm & said, “Dat yours?” Yes, again.
He then pointed to my breast & asked, “Dat Daddy’s?”
(Sorry, no picture here!!)
Blake
was 52 last year. I am 36. The best way to explain this anomaly is to tell
you about something that I read in one of Kirk Douglas’ books. A “senior” movie actress was being
interviewed. The reporter said, “Forgive
me, Madame, but I have to ask. Your son
(who was also a star) admits to being 56.
You claim to be 63. How can this
be?” Her answer (& mine): “He has
his life—I have mine!”
----The
“forever young” fishducky
