(Reworked from a July, 2013 post with all new cartoons.)
A
question for you:
How many
armored guards accompanied the Hope Diamond to the Smithsonian?
B. 5
C. 10
D. 15
(Answer at end of post)
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Speaking of jewelry: My
husband is an excellent bridge player. When we were dating, I knew how to
play many card games, but not bridge. We decided that the best way for me
to learn would be to go to a local club where they gave lessons & then
played, with supervision. (I once played there with actor Burt Lancaster.) We met a very nice older woman there who dressed rather
oddly. Her clothes were clean, neat & looked like they might have been expensive but were quite out of style.
She wore a lot of what I first thought was costume jewelry, because of
its size. I later learned that it was not, & that she was an heiress.
One evening while visiting with her at the club, I admired a brooch with a very large
stone at its center. I told her it was beautiful & asked, semi-kiddingly,
if it had a name. She told me no, then turned over her jacket lapel,
exposing a huge ruby & said, "But this is the
Star of India!"
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Years ago Colgate created a very ingenious advertising campaign to promote their dental floss, but before I explain to you the main detail of these images, look at them carefully.
Scroll down
Scroll down
Scroll down
Scroll down
Scroll down
Now
that you had time to quietly & thoroughly observe the images, in the first one you will
notice that she has one finger too many in her hand, in the second one a
phantom arm is floating there, and in the third one the man has only one ear.
The campaign attained its purpose, because it proved that food remaining on your teeth draws more attention than any physical defect.
Very clever. I failed on all counts! I kept looking at the teeth. So did you, right?
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This story is supposedly true:
I was in the hospital the morning after giving birth to my first child. Now when you are in the hospital having a baby it seems like everyone who comes in needs to examine you. There are doctors, nurses, sometimes groups of students or interns, all of them asking you to put your feet up in the stirrups so they can see how far you're dilated, etc.
So anyway, having been poked, prodded and examined countless times in the hours leading up to the baby's arrival, here I am early the following morning. A young man enters my room wearing a green scrub type outfit, complete with a cap and those thingies covering up his shoes.
So, I scoot down on the bed and prepare to put my feet up in the stirrups and lower the covers when he sees what I'm about to do and says "Hold on, Lady--I'm only here to empty the trash!
This story is supposedly true:
I was in the hospital the morning after giving birth to my first child. Now when you are in the hospital having a baby it seems like everyone who comes in needs to examine you. There are doctors, nurses, sometimes groups of students or interns, all of them asking you to put your feet up in the stirrups so they can see how far you're dilated, etc.
So anyway, having been poked, prodded and examined countless times in the hours leading up to the baby's arrival, here I am early the following morning. A young man enters my room wearing a green scrub type outfit, complete with a cap and those thingies covering up his shoes.
So, I scoot down on the bed and prepare to put my feet up in the stirrups and lower the covers when he sees what I'm about to do and says "Hold on, Lady--I'm only here to empty the trash!
http://www.thatsembarrassing.com/
This should probably go in here:
This is the
transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian
authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio
conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations.
Americans:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians:
Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a
collision.
Americans:
This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians:
No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans:
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE
UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE
CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR
COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES
WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO INSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
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Canadians: This is a
lighthouse. It's your call.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A good Hassidic Jewish family is most concerned that their
30-year-old son is unmarried. They call a marriage broker and ask
him to find their son a good wife.
The broker comes over to their house and spends a long time
asking questions of the son and his parents as to what they want in a
wife/daughter-in-law. They give him a long shopping list
of requirements.
The marriage broker takes a long time looking, and finally asks
to visit the family again. He then tells them of a wonderful woman
he has found. He says, “She's just the right age for your son. She keeps a
Glatt kosher home, she regularly attends synagogue and knows the prayers
by heart, and she's a wonderful cook. She loves children and wants a
large family. And, to crown it all off, she's gorgeous.”
After hearing all this, the family is very impressed and begins
to get excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future.
The son pauses and asks inappropriately, "Is she any good in
bed?"
The marriage broker answers, “Some say yes, some say no.”
The marriage broker answers, “Some say yes, some say no.”
Answer to Hope Diamond
question:
A: None.
When he donated the Hope Diamond to the Smithsonian in 1958, jeweler
Harry Winston sent the gem by registered first-class mail. Of the $145.29
mailing price, only $2.44 was for postage. The balance was the fee for $1
million in insurance.
One of my husband's favorite sayings (about
himself): "I thought I made a mistake once, but I was wrong."
This should be his theme song----fishducky
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