Yes, this IS me. Why did you even have to ask?
I
don’t know if it’s just here in the L.A. area or not, but I’ve noticed that the
female weather reporters on the local stations are getting sexier. They are certainly dressing sexier. My husband & I now refer to them as the
“Weather Sluts”. There used to be a
bridal shop next door to a café we frequented for breakfast. Their wedding gowns were OK, but we saw a red
satin dress we couldn’t believe. So
tacky! We figured it was for the Mother
of the Slut.
Our son took us, his
family & his in-laws to the Cayman Islands & we visited Sting Ray City. In this area, the water is calm, clear as
glass & about waist high. You stand
in the water surrounded by hundreds of sting rays. (Yes, it was a sting ray that killed Steve
Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. He got
stung in the heart.) These were very
docile & as long as you didn’t get them excited you were perfectly
safe. They’re used to human contact
& associate it pleasantly with food.
It was a weird feeling to have them swim through & brush against
your legs! You could even pick them up
(they feel like a wetsuit) as long as you used both hands & held them on
your lower arms like a heavy tray. Did
you know their faces are on the bottom of their heads? We went snorkeling later in a different part
of the Caymans. I’d never seen so many
beautifully colored fish. What a
wonderful trip that was!
Bud & I were at
Crater Lake in Oregon. It’s in the
caldera of an extinct volcano & when it’s not ruffled by wind, the water’s
surface is like a mirror. It is a
stunning sight. The roads had been
cleared of snow the day before we went.
We were standing by ourselves looking at the gorgeous lake when I said
to Bud, “I wonder how deep the snow is?”
All of a sudden a shovel pops up not two feet from us & a voice
comes from an unnoticed hole in the snow & says, “This deep!”
My
grandmother absolutely adored Bud. The
two of us were at her house for dinner one night & she had put a tablecloth
on her Formica table. I said that I had
been eating there for years & I never saw a cloth on that table. She told me sternly it was NOT for me. I pouted & said, “Bubby, you used to like
me” & she said, “You used to be my granddaughter.” I asked, “What am I now?” She put her hand on Bud’s shoulder, smiled
& said, “Now you’re HIS wife!” I
could swear I heard the word “HIS” in capital letters & italics--with harps playing!
More “Bubbyisms”: She always used to
say, “forth & back”, never “back & forth”. I guess she figured (& rightly so) you
had to get there before you could return.
Maxwell House ran an ad campaign announcing their instant coffee was
made with “coffee buds”. She wouldn’t
drink it—she thought they said “coffee bugs”.
The Yiddish diminutive of a name is made by putting “ala” on the
end—Jack would be Jackala. I met a girl
named Pamela & brought her to meet Bubby.
She asked, “What am I supposed to call her—Pamelala?” When I was growing up she had a bird that
talked. Like my grandmother, the bird
had a Yiddish accent.
When
Sizzler Restaurants first opened, they didn’t have waiters. You picked up your own food & brought it
to your table. I used to go there fairly
often for dinner with the kids if my husband was working late. Normally, they had no problem in getting our
orders correct. This particular night
was another story. I have 3 children
& 2 of their orders were wrong. I
didn’t find out the second was wrong until I returned to the table with the
first corrected order, so back I went. I
came back to discover that mine was wrong, too!
I didn’t have either the energy or the patience to make a third trip, so
I asked my 8 year old son, who had finished his meal, to do it for me. I waited, in my red pants-suited splendor,
for him to return. When he did, he told
me the cook asked him, “Is your mother wearing red?”
You know how most packages
say "Open here." What is the protocol if the package says, "Open
somewhere else"? ----fishducky
