Wednesday, April 27, 2016


(Some of this, but not very much, is from a post dated 12/15.)

A nervous, elderly woman was taking her first airplane flight.  They had just taken off when she heard a noise that bothered her.  When the attendant arrived, she voiced her concern & the attendant said, "That's perfectly normal, Ma'am.  It's just the landing gear retracting."  The lady said, "Thank you for explaining.  I hate to be a bother, but this is my first flight & I'm a little nervous."  Later the plane started bouncing a little.  She called the flight attendant again & apologized & again asked for an explanation.  The attendant said, "That's all right, Ma'am, we're just experiencing a little air turbulence.  It should clear up in a few minutes."  The passenger managed to fall asleep & when she woke, it was dark outside.  She looked out the window & saw sparks & flame coming out of an engine.  She pushed the call button again & told the attendant what she had seen.  She was told that it was perfectly normal to see sparks coming out of an engine at night because of the contrast against the dark sky.  The elderly lady said, "I know everything's all right, but I am nervous.  Could you please just take a look?"  The attendant said, "Of course, Ma'am," & turned to look through the window.  Her very next words were, "HOLY S**T--WE'RE ON FIRE!!"
My friend, Barbara, once owned a house in Sedona, Arizona.  (This is a very upscale area.)  She was at a cocktail party in the home of one of the first astronauts, along with several other astronauts, a psychiatrist & several medical doctors.  They were drinking some very smooth 190 proof vodka which had been given as a gift by a Russian cosmonaut.  One woman, who was sitting at a coffee table, fell face down into the dip & was saved from drowning after a couple of minutes by one of the doctors.  Another guest was just sitting there staring, neither moving nor blinking.  Someone asked, "Is she dead yet?"  The doctor sitting next to her nudged her with his foot & gave his diagnosis, "Not yet!!"  Barbara, who has trouble with one glass of wine, slid off her chair onto the floor.  Unable to feel either her arms or legs & not wanting to create a panic, calmly & politely said, "Excuse me, but I think I've had a stroke."  I would tell you more about the party, but that's all Barbara can remember.
Bud's uncle Lee lived in Malibu.  His house was on the beach side of Pacific Coast Highway on a cliff.  He had installed a cable elevator to avoid walking the approximately 100 steps down to the beach--& then back up again.  He did a lot of entertaining & at one of his parties, the astronaut, Gus Grissom, was a guest.  He was one of America's first men in space & had already made some space flights.  Although everyone else at the party used the cable elevator, Grissom announced that it was too dangerous & went down, and later, back up the 100 stairs.

The same Barbara fell down the stairs.  Only two stairs, but she managed to SHATTER her kneecap—I guess she figured that something worth doing is worth doing well!!  She had surgery that evening & the next day her surgeon examined her & told her to see him in two weeks.  She made an appointment.  She was in a rehab center & confined to bed.  She called her surgeon’s office about the appointment & was told that he couldn’t see her then—he was getting married.  Barb asked the receptionist if the doctor was getting married, how come he didn’t know that a couple of weeks in advance?  She said, “It must be a rush marriage!!  Is he pregnant?”  Not even a snicker from the receptionist.
I was at a doctor’s office, waiting in one of the operatories, when he & his nurse came in.  They told me they had an emergency & that it would be a little while before they could treat me.  They asked me if they could get me anything while I was waiting.  I told them a margarita would be nice.  No reaction whatsoever!!  I wonder why they even asked?
I can't think of anything else to tell you that's true,
so here are some Scout cartoons:

The first Ten Commandments are the hardest----fishducky