*I am Schaefer & I will be your robot today.
May I offer you some popcorn & beer?
Many years ago Bud & I bought a robot. As I remember, it was about 1½' tall & cost around $25.00. The store had another model at twice the size & price. We asked the salesman which one he'd recommend for us. He must have figured we'd get bored with it because he said, "Whichever one fits best in your closet after about a month." We got the smaller one.
Some robot pickup lines from jokes.cc.com:
I am a sex machine. No, I
mean that literally.
At the sound of the beep, I
can pleasure you continuously for another 10.4 hours.
You make me want to become
a better automaton.
My intelligence may be
artificial, but the attraction is real, baby.
Do you have a map? I just
keep getting lost in your eyes--even though I am programmed with a fully
functioning GPS.
You must be a magnet,
because you are attracting me. Perhaps it is because I am made entirely of
metal.
--------------------
And some from jokes4us.com:
Your lips say 0 but your eyes say 1.
I've got a case of
WD-40 in the back, wanna get drunk?
Do you believe in love at first optical recognition,
or should I ambulate by your location again?
I'll show you my source code if you show me yours.
You must be tired because you've been running your
code through my CPU all night.
Are those real or were you upgraded in Silicon Valley?
Was that my CPU malfunctioning or did I just feel a
spark between us?
--------------------
Why was the robot angry? People kept pushing his buttons.
What's a robot's favorite music? Heavy metal.
Why did the robot go back to school? His skills were getting rusty.
What did the man say to his dead robot? Rust in peace.
boyslife.org
Why was the robot angry? People kept pushing his buttons.
What's a robot's favorite music? Heavy metal.
Why did the robot go back to school? His skills were getting rusty.
What did the man say to his dead robot? Rust in peace.
boyslife.org
A ventriloquist doing
a nightclub gig with his dummy on his knee tells a dumb robot joke; a
beverage service robot stops and shouts at the ventriloquist.
“What gives you the right to stereotype artificial intelligence that way? You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology.
“You keep out of this, buster!” it yells, “I’m talking to the little idiot on your knee.”
mensxp.com
John was a salesman's
delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long
ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another
one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie
detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son,
returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you
been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.
"We
went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you
watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his
chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said,
"I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I
am ashamed of you, son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied
to my parents."
The robot
then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of
his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said,
"Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy.
After all, he is your son!" With that the robot immediately walked around
to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
Why robots can't tell knock knock jokes:
