I'm pretty sure it started on radio before the advent of TV, but Art Linkletter used to have a show called "House Party". The last segment was completely spontaneous interviews with young children, usually 3 to 8 years old. Kids that young rarely hold anything back; you ask them a question & they'll give you an honest answer. I remember one boy who was probably about 5 years old. We'll call him Joey. He & Linkletter were discussing sleeping. Joey's dad was in the Army & was currently stationed away from home. Joey said he hated to sleep alone & slept with his mother. Linkletter asked him if he slept with his mother every night. Joey said, "Yes, except on Fridays. On Friday, Uncle George comes over."
When my friend Barbara's son was about two, his favorite toy was a truck. If it wasn't in his hands, he would loudly ask where it was. This happened in the market, the doctor's office--anywhere. He would yell, "Where's my truck?" The only problem with that was that he still was too young to speak clearly. The "tr" sound came out like an "f"!!
Some excerpts from his book:
"I'd like to be a fish 'cause I like to wag my tail when I take a bath."
"What's your worst bad habit?"
"My brother; I've had him for six & a half years now."
"I like to play army, but I'm getting tired of it. I'm always the enemy."
"What do you like best about TV; the cameras, the stages, the lights?"
"I like the blond at the front desk."
"I want to be a parachute jumper."
"What happens if your parachute won't open?"
"I have them lower down a ladder."
"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"No, I'm single."
When my friend Barbara's son was about two, his favorite toy was a truck. If it wasn't in his hands, he would loudly ask where it was. This happened in the market, the doctor's office--anywhere. He would yell, "Where's my truck?" The only problem with that was that he still was too young to speak clearly. The "tr" sound came out like an "f"!!
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is
running the country.”
A lot of
teachers can relate to Kurt Vonnegut’s quote. From kindergarten
to senior year, they’ve seen it
all. The people at Reader’s Digest recently asked members of this heroic
profession to share their stories about the hilarious, sweet, droll, and
occasionally clueless things their students do or say. Thousands wrote
in, positive that their tale was worthy of the $1,000 grand prize. One was
right. Here are the finalists, starting off with the A+ winning anecdote:
1.
GRAND-PRIZE WINNER
After a coworker had finished his
English lecture and his class had filed out, a tenth grader stayed behind to
confront him.
“I don’t appreciate being singled
out,” he told his teacher.
The teacher was confused. “What do
you mean?”
“I don’t know what the ‘oxy’ part
means, but I know what a ‘moron’ is, and you looked straight at me when you
said it.”
—Jannie Smith, Ashville, Alabama
HONORABLE
MENTIONS:
2.
Rock Me, Amadeus
Performing Mozart should have been
the highlight of my middle school chorus class. But after a few uninspired
attempts, an exasperated student raised her hand and said, “Mrs. Willis, we want to sing music
from our generation, not yours.”
—Wendy Willis, Naples, Florida
3.
Lost in Translation
To my German-language students, I’m
“Frau Draper.” One girl gave me
a pin she’d made with my name on it.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t big enough to
include my entire name, which meant that she presented me with a badge that
read FRAUD.
—Cathleen Draper, Edmonds,
Washington
4.
Why Waste Paper?
I recently asked a student where his
homework was. He replied, “It’s still in my pencil.”
—Larry
Timmons, Surprise, Arizona
5.
Money Laundering
“Don’t do that,” I said when one
of my first graders playfully draped
a dollar bill over his eyes. “Money is full of germs.”
“It is?” he asked.
“Yes, it’s very dirty.”
He thought about it a moment.
“Is that why they
call people who have a lot of it ‘filthy rich’?”
—Elizabeth
Webber,
Prospect
Park, Pennsylvania
6.
Me, Myself, and Him
Jimmy had trouble
figuring out when to use I instead of me. Then one day, while creating a sentence in front of
the first-grade class, Jimmy haltingly said, “I … I … I shut the door.”
Realizing that he was right, he jumped up and down and shouted, “Me did it!”
—Susan Williams, Portland,
Indiana
7. Hey, You!
My sixth-grade class would not leave
me alone for a second. It was a constant stream of “Ms. Osborn?” “Ms. Osborn?” “Ms. Osborn?” Fed up, I said
firmly, “Do you think we
could go for just five minutes without anyone saying ‘Ms. Osborn’?!”
The classroom got quiet. Then, from
the back, a soft voice said,
“Um … Cyndi?”
—Cyndi
Osborn, New York, New York
8.
Driven Crazy
During the driver’s-ed class that my
friend taught, a student approached a right turn.
“Use your turn signal,” my friend reminded her.
“No one’s coming,” said the student.
“No one’s coming,” said the student.
“It doesn’t matter. It might help those behind you.”
Chastened, the student turned around
to the students in the backseat and said, “I’m turning right up ahead.”
—Joseph
Wagner, Prineville, Oregon
9.
That Aha! Moment
“Who discovered Pikes Peak?” I asked
an eighth grader. He shrugged. “All right, here’s
a hint,” I continued. “Who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb?”
“Grant?” he asked
tentatively.
“Good. Now, who discovered Pikes
Peak?”
“Grant!”
—Max
Campbell, Dowagiac, Michigan
10.
Thanks for the Help
On the last day of the year, my first
graders gave me beautiful handwritten letters. As I read them aloud, my
emotions got the better of me, and I started to choke up.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m having a
hard time reading.”
One of my students said, “Just sound
it out.”
—Cindy
Bugg, Clive, Iowa
11.
Problem Solvers
The kids were painting a project for
social studies and got some paint on the floor. Fearing someone might slip, I
asked a student to take care of it.
A few minutes later, a piece of paper appeared on the floor with the words Caution—Wet Paint.
A few minutes later, a piece of paper appeared on the floor with the words Caution—Wet Paint.
—Christy Knopp, Fairfield, Ohio
12. Let’s Ask the Professor
During snack time, a kindergartner
asked why some raisins were yellow while others were black. I didn’t know the
answer, so I asked my friend, a first-grade teacher, if she knew. “Yellow
raisins are made from green grapes, and black raisins are made from red grapes,” she explained.
One little boy suggested, “Maybe
that’s why she teaches first grade, because she’s just a little bit smarter than you.”
—Erica
Coles, Watertown, Tennessee
13.
Buggin’ Out
“In Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis,” I said to my sophomore English class, “a man, discontented with his life, wakes up to find he has been transformed into a large, disgusting insect.”
“In Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis,” I said to my sophomore English class, “a man, discontented with his life, wakes up to find he has been transformed into a large, disgusting insect.”
A student thrust her hand into the
air and asked, “So is this fiction or nonfiction?”
—Diane
Sturgeon, Sioux Falls, South Dakota
14.
Artist’s Rendition
For Columbus Day, I assigned my
third-grade class the task of drawing one of Columbus’s three ships. I had no
sooner sat down when a boy came up with his paper, which had
a lone dot in the middle.
“What’s that?” I asked.
He replied, “That’s Columbus, way out to sea.”
—Dale Barrett, Concord, New
Hampshire
15. Why, Thank You
As I welcomed my first-grade
students into the classroom, one
little girl noticed
my polka-dot blouse and paid me the ultimate first-grade compliment: “Oh, you
look so beautiful—just like a clown.”
—Priscilla
Sawicki,
Charlotte,
North Carolina
16.
Senior Moment
Halfway through the semester, I
discovered that a student was retaking my course, even though he’d gotten an A-
the first time through. When I asked him why, he had no recollection of having
taken the class before.
“But you know,” he said, after
mulling it over, “I thought some of this seemed familiar. I just couldn’t
remember where I’d heard it before.”
—Lawanna Lancaster, Nampa,
Idaho
17. Everybody’s a Critic
A junior in my English class gave a big thumbs-down to the autobiography he’d read. His reason: “The author talks about only himself.”
—Ruth
Hunter, Shawnee, Oklahoma
18.
Sticks and Stones
“I got called the g word,” sobbed
a third-grade girl.
“OK. Let’s calm down,” I said,
kneeling beside her. “Now, exactly what were you called?”
Between sobs she blurted, “G …
g … jerk!”
—Steve
Wright, Orangevale, California
19.
It Doesn’t Add Up
When one girl had finished the English
portion of the state exam, she removed her glasses and started the math
questions.
“Why aren’t you wearing your glasses?” she was asked.
She responded, “My glasses are for reading, not math.”
—Kathy Olson, Roselle, Illinois
20. Fluent in English
Our assistant principal called in one
of my underperforming Intro to Spanish pupils to ask why he was having trouble
with the subject.
“I don’t know. I just don’t
understand Ms. Behr,” the boy said. “It’s like she’s speaking another
language.”
—Marcia
Behr, Indiana, Pennsylvania
21.
Here’s to the Parents
The fish tank in my classroom was
brimming with guppies. So
I told the kids
they could have some as long as they brought in
a note from home.
That’s how I received
the following: “Dear Mrs. Swanson,
Would you please give Johnny as many guppies as you can spear, as we are going
to bread them.”
—Sheryl
Swanson, Billings, Montana
22. During a
parent-teacher
conference, a mother insisted
I shouldn’t have taken points
off her daughter’s English paper for
calling her subject Henry 8 instead of Henry VIII.
“We have only regular numbers on our
keyboard,” she explained. “No Roman numerals.”
—Lisa
Rich, Milledgeville, Georgia
23. A note from a
student’s mother: “Please excuse Chris from reading, because he doesn’t like
it.”
—Roy
Hartley, Elberton, Georgia
24. When her child’s
towel was
stolen during a school swimming trip,
an irate parent demanded
of my mother, “What kind of
juvenile delinquents are in class with my child?!”
“I’m sure it was taken accidentally,” said Mom. “What does it
look like?”
“It’s white,” said the parent. “And
it says Holiday Inn on
it.”
—Heather Lauby, St. Louis,
Missouri
These Students Have All the
Answers
25. Scene: History
class.
Question: Name a famous explorer.
Answer: Dora.
—James Parks, Red Lion,
Pennsylvania
Scene: Science class.
26. Question: Why would
we not
see meteors if Earth had no atmosphere?
Answer: Because we’d all be dead.
— Hubert Snyder, Grand Junction, Colorado
Scene: Second-grade class.
27. Question: How can
we show
respect to others?
Answer: If you have a piece of meat,
you shouldn’t give it to anyone else if you’ve already licked it.
—Janaye Jones, Mesa, Arizona
Scene: Social studies class.
28. Question: What does right to privacy mean?
Answer: It’s the right to be alone in the bathroom.
—Deborah Berg, Colorado
Springs, Colorado
And from my own house:
And from my own house:
My parents used to move in to babysit my kids when Bud & I took a vacation. Both my mom & dad wore full dentures. This happened when Nameless was four or five. She walked into the bathroom while my father was putting his dentures back into his mouth. She stood there for a minute & then yelled, "Hey, Matt, want to see something funny?" My mom said that she was very glad that it was my dad!!
No
subject was ever off limits at our dinner table. Once Nameless asked what a homosexual
was. We weren’t sure how to explain this
to an 8 year old. We told her that while
most men love women, there were some men who loved other men. We said this was the way God made them &
it was fine. We asked her if she
understood & she said, “Yeah--you mean like a lesbian, only a man!”
You don't always have to ask them a question;
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other
toys----fishducky
