But He apparently didn't expect me to last this long,
because a lot of my parts are wearing out!!
I just found out I have degenerative arthritis in my neck & due to
the simple act of breathing my neck & one shoulder are extremely sore.
Sort of like this:
Now onto today's post:
(Reworked from a 2013 post.)
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked
anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, & the eyesight to
tell the difference.
As I've gotten older,
I've discovered that:
I was born with
nothing, & I still have most of it left.
My wild oats have
turned into prunes & All Bran.
I finally got my head
together & now my body is falling apart.
I don't remember being
absent minded.
I don't remember being
absent minded.
It's easier to get
older than it is to get wiser.
Some days you're the
bug, some days you're the windshield.
I wish the buck
stopped here--I could sure use a few.
It's hard to make a
comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
The only time the
world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to
touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
It's not hard to meet
expenses--they're everywhere.
All reports are in;
life is officially unfair.
All is not lost, but I
still can't find it!
The senility virus (I like to think of it as a virus) can also affect your ability to use the computer. Some examples:
1--You send the same email twice (or more).
2--You send blank
email.
3--You send email to
the wrong person.
4--You send email back
to the person who sent it to you.
17--You number
paragraphs out of order.
5--You forget to
attach the attachment.
6--You hit
"send" before you've finished the
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My brain needs a nap.
How about some jokes:
Have you ever looked at
others your own age & thought, "Surely, I can't look that old!"?
My name is Alice & I
was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with my new dentist.
I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name.
Suddenly I remembered a tall, dark & handsome boy with the same name
had been in my high school class some 40 odd years ago. Could he be the same
guy that I had a secret crush on way back then? Upon seeing him, however,
I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey haired man with
the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he
examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Hill High School.
"Yes, yes, I did--I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked. "In 1975,
why?" I said, "You were in my class!" He looked at
me closely. Then that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled face, fat assed, grey haired,
decrepit son of a bitch asked, "What did you teach?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The doctor tells his
patient, Muriel, "Well, I have good news & bad news."
Muriel says, "Tell me, Doc, what's the bad news?" The
doctor tells her, "You have Alzheimer's disease." "So
what's the good news?" she asks. He says, "You can go home
& forget about it," he says.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three older men are
undergoing a memory test at the nursing home. The doctor asks, "What
is 3 times 3?" The first man says, "274." The second
man answers, "Tuesday." The third man says, "9."
The doctor says, "Great--that's right! How did you get that
answer?" "Simple," the man says, "Just subtract 274 from
Tuesday!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little old lady was
running up & down the halls of her nursing home. As she ran, she'd
flip up the hem of her nightgown & say, "Supersex!" She
ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipped her gown at him & said,
"Supersex!" He thought for a minute & said, "I'll take
the soup!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ninety five year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air & announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant!" She looks in her hand, thinks for a minute & says, "Close enough!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And some cartoons:
----fishducky
