(This was sent to me by my Ducky, Carole. Thank you, Carole!!)
A father was
approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible
means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'”
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'”
========
There was a very gracious lady who
was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
========
"Somebody has said there are
only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the
morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake
up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a
no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find
a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who
got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good
news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new
building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
A Sunday School teacher
began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about
God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten
boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven.."
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven.."
========
A minister waited in line to have
his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant
worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant
motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
========
People want the front of the bus, the
back of the church, and the center of attention.
========
Last,
but not least, a great one:
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But,
you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about
the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!!

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!!
These tweets are from BuzzFeed:
Person: “God dang it.” God: “IT HAS BEEN
DANGED.”
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more
as they get older. Then it dawned on me--they were cramming for their
finals. As for me, I'm just hoping that God grades on the
curve----fishducky
