(Reworked from a 1/20/14 post with, of course, new cartoons.)
Put on your jammies, brush your teeth, hop into bed & I'll tell you a story.
Once upon a time, there was a young elephant named Freddy who desperately wanted to be a frog. He loved the way they hopped and jumped. He loved their green color and since they spent so much time in the water, they were never coated with dust (which bothered his allergies) like he usually was. He even tried living on a strict diet of insects and flies, but to tell you the truth, he never felt full. He had found a Berlitz book someone had lost while on safari and studied their language until he was fully proficient in Frogese.
Freddy felt like he was a frog. He often wondered if he had accidentally been switched at birth. Even his name seemed wrong. Everyone knows that the first names of animals are supposed to start with the first letter of their species, like his mother and father, Elizabeth and Edward Elephant. “Freddy” should be a name for a frog!
Every morning when he woke up, he would have a big bowl of flies and a multivitamin and kiss his mom goodbye. He then headed out to a clearing in the jungle where he would practice jumping for hours. The ground trembled under his weight. This frightened many of the natives, who would yell, “Tetemeko, tetemeko!!” until they were told, “Hiyo tu Freddy tembo. Yeye kufanya mazoezi ya kuruka.” (On the off-chance that your Swahili is a little rusty, allow me to translate: “Earthquake, earthquake!!” “That's just Freddy the elephant. He’s practicing jumping.”)
As you can well imagine, all that jumping made Freddy very tired. After practice he would come home to take a much needed nap. When he slept, he dreamed—a lot! In them, he was often a combination of elephant and frog. He dreamed he was attacked by a crocodile who was only able to grab one of his ears (because Freddy was still elephant-sized) and couldn’t drag him under the water. He dreamed that he tried to rest on a lily pad, but both he and the lily pad sank to the bottom of the river with a splash that was alarmingly similar to a tidal wave! When he found himself frog-sized he had to catch flies by impaling them on his tusks--can you imagine how difficult that would be?
Freddy finally decided that maybe he wouldn’t make a very good frog, after all, but that didn’t stop him from loving them dearly. In fact, one day when he was out for a walk (elephants need regular exercise, you know, or they tend to develop big floppy stomachs) he met Felicia Frog. She was new in town, having just hopped over to visit some cousins. He took one look at her, and she at him, and it was love at first sight. He asked her to marry him. She charmingly flicked out her tongue and caught a passing fly, swallowed it and answered, “Yes!” Freddy was mesmerized, awestruck at her beauty and talent. They had a lovely ceremony which was conducted by John J. Jaguar, Justice of the Peace.
It wasn’t too long before Felicia was expecting their first child. Freddy was concerned that the baby would be a misfit like the creature he had been in his dreams. When his offspring was born, Freddy was relieved that all his worries had been for nothing. Farrah Elizabeth Frog-Elephant (she was named after her grandmothers and later shortened her last name) was the most beautiful baby he had ever seen! Her skin was the loveliest shade of green, her tiny baby tusks were adorable and her warts were exquisite. She had inherited all the best qualities of both frogs and elephants. Everyone oohed and aahed on seeing this lovely creature.
I like to think that I've achieved a certain social status, assuming outcast is a status----Robert Brault (& fishducky)