This is how I feel with shoes on, especially heels.
I am a strange
breed of woman; I do not like shoes. I much prefer
going barefoot. I have given dinner parties with silver, crystal &
china while I was barefoot. When my kids were young & they saw that I
had shoes on, they would ask where I was going. Unfortunately, I am also
a klutz. The combination of klutziness & bare feet has oftentimes led
to broken toes. When I have a broken toe my podiatrist gives me (for a small
price) these ugly lovely sandals to wear. I think
they look like boats. Tow boats; or maybe toe boats. I feel like they're as ugly as the “ugly-ass” Bruno Magli's that O. J. Simpson called the shoes that Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman's killer had worn. I hate them;
but not enough to stop going barefoot!!
Toe: A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.
Toe: A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.
Not my foot (or my dog) but the right type of shoes.
Nature is strange. I used to be 5"6' but now I'm about 5"3'; so I'm getting shorter. My feet, however, are much longer. All through high school I wore a 7½ shoe; now I wear a 10½.
True story:
I realize I may not be normal (whatever that is) but I had a dream where my toes were falling off. No pain or bleeding, but off they came. Can anyone explain that to me? Did I invent a new disease--toeliosis?
This is a baby smelling stinky feet for the first time.
How about some corny (pun intended) riddles from clubfootclub.com:
What has 50 legs but can’t walk?
25 pairs of pants
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Why did the moron put T.G.I.F. on his shoes?
Toes Go In FirstWhat lies on the ground, 100 feet up in the air?
A centipede lying on its backWhat is the fastest way to go to the moon?
Tickle the bottom of an elephant’s foot!Why don’t centipedes play football?
By the time they get their shoes on, the game is over.How do you trip the light fantastic?
Stick out your footWhat kind of shoes do lazy people wear?
LoafersWhat do you get when you play the piano with your feet?
FootnotesWhat is a plumber’s favorite type of shoes?
Tap shoesWhat kind of shoes does a plumber hate?
ClogsIf athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile-toe.What do you have if your head is hot, one foot is cold, and you see spots before your eyes?
A polka-dotted sock over your head.What has 12 feet and sticks on ice?
A hockey teamWhat does a shoemaker use to repair shoes?
Toe-nailsWhy didn’t the Mother like her kid’s foot jokes?
They were too corny..What has 16 feet, is covered in green hair, and loves peanut butter sandwiches?
I don’t know either but it’s eating your lunch.Did you hear the joke about the gym sock?You don’t want to. It stinks.
Greg, three years old, put his shoes on by himself. His father noticed
that the left shoe was on the right foot and vice-versa. He sat Greg down on a
chair and said quietly, “Greg, your shoes are on the wrong feet. ”He looked up
at his father with a quizzical expression and replied, “But, Daddy, they’re the
only feet I’ve got!!”
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I once
heard a true story of a family firm who cornered the feet market. One
brother sold shoes; each shoe had a hidden fatal flaw. As a direct result
the victim's feet needed treatment with the second brother, who was the only
podiatrist in town.
Legend
had it that the podiatrist was so incompetent that the only way the victim
could get home was in a taxi. You're ahead of me now; the third brother
had the only taxi firm for miles around.
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Two weird newspaper headlines:
WOMAN PRIED OUT OF WRECKED CAR WITH BROKEN LEG
HOSPITAL IS SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
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This is so frustrating! Give it a go This is so funny/weird that
it will boggle your mind. And if you are anywhere near as stubborn as I
am, you will keep trying at least a few more times to see if you can outsmart
your foot, but you can't.
1)
While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make
clockwise circles.
2)
Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand.
3)
Your foot will change direction. I told you so. And, there's nothing you can do
about it! Go ahead: KEEP TRYING ALL YOU WANT.