PETER, PETER, PUMPKIN EATER, THE REAL STORY

I know it's true because I read it in the paper!!

(Extensively reworked from a September, 2012 post; it hardly bears a resemblance, anymore.)

(As told to fishducky by Mrs. Pumpkin Eater.)

       You may think, since he never beat her,

No nursery rhyme's story could ever be sweeter

Than Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater,

Unless you’re Mrs. Pumpkin Eater!

       She dwelt within her pumpkin shell

And seemed to be doing very well,

But soon she realized that she should tell

Her chauvinistic husband to go to hell!

        She was not happy.  No, she was sad.

The man she married was no Galahad.

It was driving her quite mad

To think of husbands she could have had.

       You could see it in her eyes

That Peter, Peter was no prize.

She heard a chant, which she thought wise,

"Women in your shells, arise!"

       She stopped being a weak kneed mouse,

And told him she demands a house

Or the rotund little louse

Would no longer be her spouse.

       He had to know that she had needs

That were not met by pumpkin seeds.

She need not live among the weeds.

Let him show love by his deeds.

        She knew he promised when they wed

That she would always have a bed

“But where?” is what she should have said.

I would have hit him on the head!!

       She knew a lawyer could quell her grief

And bring to her some sweet relief.

She asked one to please file his brief.

And she did right; that’s my belief.

She took him for everything he’d got

And left him completely overwrought,

Then asked him, as an afterthought,

If he was still glad he tied the knot!!

       P.S.   
       The judge told the miserly little elf

            That he brought it on himself.

       P.P.S.
       She knew her new life would be just divine
             And with her alimony, she'd be doing just fine.
             Since she was free as a bird on a vine
             She moved in with her lawyer, whose name was Klein.

If you want to know more about paranoids, follow me around----fishducky