Thursday, September 28, 2017


 (Reworked from a January, 2015 post.)

First, a quick story about me & my grandmother.  I absolutely adored her!!  Bubbe (Yiddish for grandma) lived with us for a few years.  She & I were taking a bath together & I told her that when I grew up I wanted to have titties down to my knees, just like her.  I meant it as a compliment but somehow it upset her.  Go figure!!

When Nameless was about a year old & I was very pregnant with our next one, she & I were marketing in an extremely crowded grocery store.  She was seated in the cart facing me & I was wearing maternity pants & a loose fitting smock on top.  She had been told to be careful of my stomach because there was a baby in there.  She lifted up my top & yelled, "I wanna see the baby!!"  I was still young enough at the time to be embarrassed.

I used to bite my nails badly.  When I had kids I decided I had to stop so they wouldn't pick up the habit.  I was about 30 at the time & I told my friend John that I had stopped.  He said to tell him again in 50 years so he could know for sure that I had really quit.  It's been 50+ years & John--I still don't bite my nails!!  

I got a piece of junk mail from someone or something called Tennille Frith.  When I glanced quickly at it, I read it as Terminal Filth.  Maybe it was--I didn't open it.  I was also sent an ad that said “your personality matches with photos”—I read it as “with psychos”!!  This sort of thing happens to me occasionally.  I remember when my kids were around 10, I was sitting in my car in a market parking lot while one of them ran into the store to get something.  I was looking around at the market's sales signs (& obviously at the signs at the gas station next door)  when I thought I saw a sign that said "Nectarine on Duty".  It's nice to know that there are jobs available for people (& fruit) that want them!!

When Nameless II was born her parents named her something that rhymes with "ara".  I wrote her a song that I used to sing to her while I was changing her diaper or trying to soothe her.  It must have had 15 verses but I can only remember a few of them.  The melody was sort of singsong. It went something like this: "--ara, --ara, --ara, --ara, in your beautiful tiara, I’ll be back again tomorra’ to see --ara, --ara, --ara” & “--ara, --ara, --ara, --ara, riding on your capybara, I’ll be back again tomorra’ to see --ara, --ara, --ara” & "--ara, --ara, --ara, --ara, drive your really fast sports car-a, I’ll be back again tomorra’ to see --ara, --ara, --ara” & lastly, "--ara, --ara, --ara, --ara, prettier than a movie star-a, I’ll be back again tomorra’ to see --ara, --ara, --ara”.

Nameless II was almost 1 1/2 years old when she came to our house for Christmas.  There were a bazillion or two gifts under the tree. (My family used to claim that if I gave someone a deck of cards I would wrap each one individually.  Possibly a slight exaggeration.)  Anyway, she took one look at the tree & the gifts & her eyes grew huge.  She drew in a deep breath & said in a baby voice, "So many pwesents--all fo' Nameless II !!"

Erma Bombeck once said, “Grandchildren are God’s reward for letting your own children live.”  I think she was right.  I was staying at my Nameless’ house to help out while she had her second baby.  My then 2 year old other granddaughter was attached to me like Velcro.  She even ate all her meals while sitting on my lap.  I tried to explain to her that I couldn’t stay forever, that I had my own house to take care of & that her grandpa needed me, too.  I asked her if she understood that I would have to leave soon.  She hugged me & in a sweet, loving, singsong voice, said, “Yes—but not todaaaaaay!”  It's become a standard line in our family.

A couple of years later (the girls were about 2 & 4) we were at a restaurant with them having dinner.  The younger one—we’ll call her Nameless III—had just finished her dinner & was very sleepy.  The server came to our table & asked if we wanted dessert.  We told her no, but Nameless III said she wanted some.  Her daddy told her she was much too tired.  She said, very politely, “No, Daddy, I’m not.  I’d really like some…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”  She was out like a light!!

Nameless asked me to not be so cute with her young daughter.  I once told her I was very hungry; that my stomach was "full of empty".  The next day in nursery school, when asked if she wanted a snack, that's what she told her teacher.  Everyone but Nameless II was confused.

Matt was out here from Connecticut, staying with his brother Blake, when the 9/11 terrorist attack occurred.  As you'll remember, all planes were grounded after that for a week or so.  Matt's 6 year old daughter, Lisa, missed her daddy.  Her mom tried to explain to her why he couldn't get a plane home for a while.  Lisa asked her mom, "Why can't he walk?"

I've run this before but a grandma likes to kvell (Yiddish for brag):

Bud & I were at a restaurant with our daughter, her husband & their two then teen aged daughters.  One of the girls said that some movie star, I think it was Johnny Depp, was cool.  Their father asked, “What about me?  I’m cool.”  They laughed & told him, “Dad, you’re not cool!”  He asked if their mom was cool.  “No.”  “What about Grandpa?  Is Grandpa cool?”  They thought for a minute & said, “Not really.”  He then asked, “How about Grandma?  Is she…”  Before he could finish his question, they answered, in one voice, “Yeah, Grandma’s cool!!”

We make small talk; why don’t we make large talk?----fishducky