Thursday, October 26, 2017


Q: What do you get when you mix vodka, orange juice, and milk of magnesia?
A: A Philips Screwdriver.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough!!  What do you want, an adorable pancreas? 

What if soy milk was just regular milk introducing itself to you in Spanish?

You know how, when English speakers don't understand something, they say, "It's all Greek to me."?  I can't find what the Greeks would say, but I do know what they would say in a few other countries:

A French speaker would say it's Chinese.
An Urdu speaker would say it's Persian.
A Cantonese speaker would say it's English.
A Czech speaker would say it's Spanish.
A Finnish speaker would say it's Hebrew.
A Persian speaker would say it's Japanese.
An Italian speaker would say it's Arabic.
A Portuguese speaker would say it's Aramaic.
& my favorite:
A Mandarin speaker would say it's Martian.

(My husband and I are in a pretty fancy restaurant celebrating our anniversary. This is all verbatim, spoken very quickly:)

Server: “Hello, welcome to blah blah’s. Our soup of the day is food. The special is food with other stuff on, in, or around it, and the drink specials are booze and some other kind of booze. If you have any questions about the menu, I’ll be happy to answer and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll make something up.”

(My husband and I immediately burst out laughing.)

Server: “I have been doing that for the last three hours because nobody listens to a word I say. You guys are the first to notice! Order whatever you want. It’s on the house.”

(Best anniversary dinner ever.)

Here's the history of the entire world in 19 minutes:

And here are some shorter funny videos:


Keep a very firm grasp on reality; that way you can strangle it at any time---fishducky