Long, long ago (even before your narrator was born) God created skunks. He created a lot of other animals, too, but this story is about skunks.
“What pretty little things they are,” God thought, “Surely they don’t need a defense mechanism. I gave elephants their size. I gave many other animals speed & sharp teeth to defend themselves. I even gave the delicate butterfly flight. But no one would ever want to harm the precious little skunk.”
Other animals found them to be delicious. And fashion conscious women loved the black & white striped fur coats furriers made out of them.
One day at the skunk meeting hall they discussed this problem. What could they do? They needed to find an answer quickly before the species was extinct!! It was suggested they go on a diet of onions & garlic so their breath would ward off predators. That didn’t work because mountain people found that it just gave extra flavor to their skunk stew. They needed something more powerful.
Then Sammy Skunk came up with a brilliant idea; chili!!
Have you ever noticed that you never see skunks at night? It’s because now they’re all in the forest cooking & eating big pots of delicious 5-star ass kickin’ chili & beans, which gave them SUPER FARTS!! Washing it down with a few beers added that special little something. Those farts could keep a gorilla at bay. (This, of course, was not necessary because gorillas are vegetarians, but you know what I mean.)
Other animals soon learned to avoid skunks & women stopped wearing skunk fur because furriers refused to make them. Who would want their furs and/or furriers to smell like chili farts?
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a shower----fishducky