Friday, April 12, 2019


Real dog with artificial foot, or faux paw.

The above pun was mine, & I apologize.  The rest of these puns & one liners are from onelinefun.com/puns & they don't apologize at all.


Take a deep breath & here we go!!

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.

 "Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."  "Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the blue.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!!

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. I told him my dogs don't even own bikes.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

A Mexican magician was doing a trick. He said, Uno, Dos, and he disappeared without a Tres.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

 I ordered 2000 lbs. of Chinese soup. It was Won Ton.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.